Stanislaw Srokowski - WAR STATE IN MY DAYS

Stanisław Srokowski

13.12.81

Bad night, bad dreams. I woke Maria, I said, "I'm scared." Maria was trying to calm me down. I turned on the radio. Music, Szopen. It's not frequently in the morning, Szopen. interior tension. Just before 7:00 I was waiting for the news. And here is the speaker's voice announcing Jaruzelski's speech. We picked up and got carried away, started listening. I told Maria something very bad had happened. Jaruzelski announced the formation of the Military National Rescue Council. The National Military Council was besides established. There's a state of martial law. It was never in Poland. This terrible time has come. "Solidarity Leaders" interned, what does it mean to be arrested? So the solution is by force, by wax. On the radio, just Jaruzelski and Szopen's statement. And nothing else. And so until 10:00 with minutes. Then a message was announced to the Military Council and information on the position of radio and TV. A part of the crew is slowing down, another part is rushing to work. Suspended trade union activity. Something is said about forgiveness for those who erred. There will be any decrees, but I don't know what. It starts insecure tomorrow. A tragic day. I'm filled with bitterness and disappointment. In the afternoon I was visited by Włusek (from "Solidarity" of peasants, whom I was an advisor (St. S.) with my wife. They offered to live in their country during the war. They'll take care of it, give you storage, nutrition, bed. It's a very human gesture. I told them not to lose their spirits. Don't break down. Don't lose faith. We gotta fight.

14.12.81

On radio, only military messages and soldier songs. any Szopen, any folk songs. Active only program I. Same thing on TV. The second program isn't working. Speakers in military uniforms. Soldier movies, bands, songs. Streets visible from my window empty. Military and militia cars are frequently flashing. Radio and tv bring fresh messages, announcements and regulations. In the vast majority they concern the deprivation or limitation of civilian rights. All meetings, meetings, congresses, sessions and congresses, including the legislature of Polish Culture, were broken up. Unsolved trade unions (as if suspended), associations, student organisations, creative associations, etc. What happens in factories? I don't know. I'm at home, but I feel like leaving. I'll go to the editor's office and find out how we're doing. From the message, I know that almost the full press is suspended. Only 2 central journals come out. "The People's Tribune" and "The Soldier of Liberty" and 20 respective titles in the field.

***

A martial law is nothing but rape committed to a nation. A rape committed by freedom.

15.XII.1981

After 12:00, I left home. Tanks were coming from Zmigrodzka. I thought they'd halt at the city's turnips. But they kept going. People looked at this view gloomy, sad and depressed. The tank cavalcade grew. I counted a dozen, possibly 17. And there were armored wagons. I felt a large threat for the second time. This was the first time that I listened to the radio and Jaruzelski's speech. This time it was a physical, literal, eye hazard. Turkot caterpillars, rumbling cars, smokes and exhausts, powerful body armoured Cyclops, materialized death found its way out. I've never seen a painting like this up close. Heavy, depressing views. On tanks young soldiers, dead faces, eyes can barely look into the pavement. In front of the bridge the cavalcade stopped. I saw that there was a bigger movement behind the bridge. I quit the tram, walked across the bridge, parallel to the tanks. I looked at the faces of the soldiers. They were either strained or dead.[?]a immense barrel of cannon, this frightening mass of iron made a strong impression. People looked at the mute. The women were pale. Children opened their mouths wide. Tanks were pushing, relentless, threatening. There was a piston behind the bridge. It turned out that, on the another hand, there were armored cars coming from Nadodrzza station and most likely from 30 militia cars. In total, all vehicles, and I counted about 60. They stood from bridge to bridge. Militaries in ZOMO uniforms held guards at intervals of 10 metres. They were strong, detached, cynically smiling men. Their age: 30-40. They blocked the crossing to ZNNTK. That's where the tanks came in. I watched it with depression, fear, and uncertainty. The women passing me said, "And here a Pole goes to a Pole," "We've seen it coming to our brother's direction." The sentences were breaking. They died after me. Women's eyes were sad. The old men looked down on this manifestation of strength and cynicism. A man asked me if I knew what happened in the PAFAWAGU (in the wagon factory). I said I don't know. Another man heard a question and began to tell how the bet was pacified. The armored wagons were all over the walls, gates, doors and walls, and drove in. The militia snatched people and chased them to militia cars. They were looking for those from Solidarity. The young boys ran to the roofs. Similarly, another plant, DOLMEL, was pacified. People were sitting on each other. They asked who's from Solidarity. Nobody checked in. That's most likely what they were doing. The militia took a fewer and carried distant acquainted places.

The women standing next to me were breaking their hands. They were close to crying. There was depression and despair. All you heard was voices like, "That's the shame, and that's what happened? People against people? A Pole Rolls a weapon Against a Pole."

I've most likely been watching besides long due to the fact that a police officer came to me and asked nicely to disperse. I asked him where those tanks were going. He said cold, straight. And he powerfully demanded that I go away. I walked distant from 20 meters and watched. Another came to me / there were 2 of them / and categorically demanded that I leave. I one more time asked what all this means. He said nothing. What do you mean, what are you going for? Dismissed? Did he scream?

I learned from the people on the street that they would pacify ZNTK. So again violence, strength, breaking freedom with iron, steel. The evening diary reports that in the country peace, only a fewer troublemakers were survived. Tens of thousands of people work in factories.

xxx

New news in the newsroom. The boss left for the Lower Silesian Monitor, to a storyteller who is already starting to explain why it was essential to introduce martial law. The first creeps are happy to have blood. The first assaults on human attitudes in August. There's a sense of revenge coming. fresh meanness.

xxx

There's no decision about us. We don't have vacations yet. In the editorial office, the atmosphere of fatigue, indetermination. Actually, it's bad.

xxx

Phone call from Irk. Surprise. Where's he calling from? Turns out he's in the porter's office due to the fact that all the outside phones were cut off. He came with his friends. They told me everything at college. mostly a strike interrupted, students expelled, colleges pacified. There was a fight, students and professors were beaten. 1 of the elder professors had a heart attack. From the announcements for yesterday I learn that they were on strike: Pafawag, Dolmel, Dolam, Mostostal, Inco, ZRW, Archimedes, FAT, Cuprum. In Warsaw: Ursus, Huta Warszawa, Zakłady Świerczewskiego.

xxx

There are fresh arrests: Folcik, Klos, Labuda, Łęczyński, Sidorowicz, Szlachta / from the Regional Management Board / and others specified as Piotr Załuski, Tumidajewicz, Bielawski?

xxx

From another information that has reached me, a fresh strike committee has been created. 10 people. They're led by Frasiniuk. Rumor has it he escaped from PAFAWAG.

15.XII 81 /night

The evening diary brought news from the country. any "Solidarity" activists have been confirmed. Names were given to 30 respective promoters, headed by Gierek, who were interned. However, no names on the renewal page were given. Internated. Why?

I besides don't have a full image of the strikes in the country. The journal's information is not true, I know it at least on the example of Wrocław. They give us the cognition of the world. Maria adapted the radio for receiving abroad stations. I'm gonna sit here and punch the letters. I told Maria that since I had written at least 1 poem, I had a good life this year.

xxx

Surprised? I listened to Żukrowski's tv appearance. He was definitely on the side of the war. He said something about safes, safe evidence of various forces that were up to something, but I don't know what the evidence is or what the force was up to. I want I knew the truth, even the bitterest.

xxx

With a cabotine speech he set up for the camera of Colonel Przymanowski. He was rambling about things, and he wanted to talk about Jaruzelski, as though privately, and he spit 5th through tenth.

xxx

The last number of "Solidarity" reached me. respective interesting articles, but besides any blurred and biased tricks, I am reasoning mainly about the position devoted to the legislature of Polish Culture. Supposedly there were themselves the top and most worthy of this honor, and on the example of a fewer returned I know that there were besides mediocre and fringes by the material. all time has its bagels. all time has its shadows.

16.XII.81

Was she waiting in the editorial room? vacation card. Until further notice.

xxx

People were driven by water cannons, teardrop gases, and batons close "Fadroma". Beating hard and stubborn. There's quite a few victims injured, roughed up, taken to hospitals. I myself saw a long cavalcade (counted 28 militia cars) chasing machines, and between them military ambulances. It looked like a dangerous war scene.

xxx

There are news of fights in many places in the city. It is said that Wrocław is the most restless inflammatory point in the country, events take place much more dramatically and bloodyly than in Gdańsk, Łódź or Szczecin. More crew resistance. Painful determination. quite a few people beaten up. Lots of fresh arrests.

xxx

People in the trams are depressed, in the faces of bitterness and fear. They're afraid to look back. They're looking into who's behind them. Are they watching the situation more closely? I watched respective specified scenes in the tram: 2 young men, 1 somewhat drunk, began to discuss what was happening in factories. And then 1 of them turned his voice down: They were quiet and left the tram. A fewer stops away, 3 men quietly said something happened close the flat of 1 of them. But erstwhile another passenger approached them, they interrupted the conversation, mistrusted him with their eyesight and retreated. So: A WIDE OF FEAR ? He looks people in the eye. This is the depravity of force, the consequence of violence. First fruit. Bad fruit. If people take distant the fact of language, feelings, character, personality. illness hurts conscience, creates masks. The planet of fact obscures the planet of prosthetics, plastics.

xxx

But this is the drama of the another side. Army. Soldiers are exhausted, tired, insecure, experienced by force and fear. . And here the ghost and the horror of moral demolition sends sharp signals.

xxx

I know about the cases erstwhile the soldiers were returning from the service, and they were done crying. They were nervous. They were breaking down. Many of them follow orders under fear. Many worry to death. any colonel or another elder officer who passed out after any action and then died of a heart attack. He couldn't bear the burden that fell on him. Another 40-something-year-old lieutenant couldn't get a word out. He asked the civilian staff present with him not to force him to tell stories. He shouted: it was terrible, it was terrible. Another man accidentally fell into the midst of a riot where he was beaten and beaten blindly. And due to the fact that he was out of uniform due to the fact that he was coming back from any private activity, he couldn't open his mouth. He was light and scared.

xxx

Drama, so quite a few faces. any are shouted, others in the shadows. It is, nevertheless we look at it, the drama of the nation[?] This wound will bleed a long time. And people can't be forced to do anything with tanks. You can get to work, but can you get to live in eternal fear?

xxx

Tomorrow will be the day of the first, as it seems, a more dangerous trial. By tomorrow, 17th, the leaders of "Solidarity" announced powerful manifestations.

xxx

As far as I've seen the tactics of this state of war well, almost all the actions are being thrown first by the militia and covered by the military. There's fresh hauls coming into the army, they say large ones. Mobilization cards are besides printed.

xxx

In our house, individual broke the board with the names of the tenants. A conscious act or an accident?

xxx

The list of arrested continues to expand. Lots of students.

xxx

The tv diary gave the first list of interned members of Solidarity and opposition groups. The list includes: Baluka, Bugaj, Bartoszewski, Czuma, Chojecki, Star, Geremek, Jurczyk, Jaworski, Kuron, Modzelewski, Michnik, Mazowiecki, Onyszkiewicz, Palka, Rulewski, Waszkiewicz?

xxx

First signs of the collapse of the leaders of "Solidarity" appeared. respective local presidents declared loyalty to the military authorities.

xxx

I effort to give in these notes as much as possible ? St. S.) all the facts I know.

19.XII.81

Watched phase in the tram. There's a 50-year-old female sitting across from me. A wide, light face. Next to the baby, possibly a 10-year-old boy. They're both talking about a close family. The female says something must have happened. If they're not here by now, they could have locked up. There's silence in the tram. A female sighs, she quiets. Tram stops, fresh people come in, an old woman stands above me, I quit her seats, both women look at each other. The 1 with the broad face starts talking to her boy again. He says, I don't know what we're gonna do. The female across the street says, "What's wrong?" A light female speaks in an undertone: my husband has been locked up.

xxx

At all costs, the intellectual and moral state of the nation before December 13 must be stored in any retention room. Let it continue, even in a latent form. I hurt that people break down so rapidly and discourage themselves. religion has weak foundations. Or is it not religion yet? possibly it's just any call signs.

xxx

In Wrocław, they proceed to strike bets that were pacified yesterday. Strike symbols, flags and strikers appear. They lock themselves in front of the army and the militia gate and door, and the militia rams everything that stands in her way. He breaks into factories and does not take measures. He's beating people like a bloody revenge act. They're moving sticks, cold water and gas. The worst cruel scenes occurred under the "Fadrome", where a crowd of old women, children and old people waiting in line for bread were driven away. Witnesses say it was frightening, absolute, and repugnant.

xxx

A streetcar driver came home at night. He was badly beaten and beaten by the militia. Witnesses say there's no reason at all.

xxx

In another action the militia showed the top strength of bad will, cruelty and barbarism. Even the military felt it, reporting to their superiors that it was an act of almost animalization and violent violence, abuse of force and ruthlessness.

xxx

Trams are walking, but as long as they're late, and motorists have bad flashes in their eyes. Buses fail, they're not ready to operate. 1 driver said that sometimes you gotta keep your bike on all night, due to the fact that otherwise the fluids would frost and the bus would not be able to get on the road. Drivers frequently simulate but are even more helpless. Unsuited garages, large brothel in the depots. People are waiting for trams and buses, and after an hr and a half, and sometimes they quit and after 2 hours, which is only the beginning of winter. It's all swamped, up and down.

xxx

First fatalities. Events in Katowice, in the mines. 7 miners killed. individual will pay for this blood someday. specified facts are not forgotten.

19.XII.81/Saturday, night/

ZOMO makes havoc. They fall into factories and bully people, beat as much as they can.

xxx

TV says things are getting better. Rumors, however, say that shipyards stand and mines strike. In many cities the curfew was shortened, from 23 to 5 in Wrocław, a tightened government was preserved. The government in Gdańsk has been further tightened, where the curfew is from 20 to 6.

xxx

Secretary Klamut met with organization activists and told them that martial law would have 2 stages. 1 is to organize the country's economics, and the other? Political struggle.

xxx

Prof. Wiszniewski was dismissed from the Wrocław University of Technology. I know him. A good man. Modest and kind to people. That's him.

He asked the ZOMO forces not to bully students. The consequence is that not only the students were beaten, but besides the pro-rector, and he was released from his post. That's nasty.

xxx

The number of arrested is increasing.

22.XII.81

State offices, and in the first place municipal, district, urban and another offices have been given the decision to clear ranks of people of "Solidarity", and this means nothing else, but panic and tyranny? For now, they're going to the slaughter of state offices, and who's going after? I'm certain the press, due to the fact that it's ideological. Well? Yeah! We go to the food, or to the humiliation, to all sorts of acts of loyalty, records, tips, serving and another abominations. I can't bear to see these slave treatments. Those bastards. These brutal and vile methods!

xxx

In the 2 mines of Zagłębie / or Silesia / nearly 3,000 miners are underground. They're on strike. It's been the ninth day. There are reports that they are intimidated and blackmailed by "Solidarity" leaders, but it is not known how much fact and how many lies. I compose about it due to the fact that that's what they say. any runaways from these mines say it's hard to get out. But it's besides said that there's no physical violence, just intellectual terror. The fact is, the strike is ongoing.

xxx

News from ports that dockers and porters do not quit fighting. I hear the ports are mined. So much for listening.

xxx

There's inactive weapons and ammunition. Or is tv preparing evidence?

xxx

After the last journal

I was outraged by a series of information about arrests and lawsuits of the "Solidarity" people, mainly due to the fact that they urged individual to strike, or due to the fact that they were spreading flyers. Prosecutors and courts have dealt with them in a week, sometimes 2 or 3 days, and large fish of socialism, large political sharks, heads of anti-national gangs, Gierek and Jaroszewicz, Wrzeszczyk and Łukashewicz, and a full bunch of another smart-ass, cynics and political thugs sit quietly behind the back of the current government. They're expected to be interned, but the full nation knows they're protected.

xxx

Jaruzelski made Christmas wishes. People perceive to him with disbelief?. They don't want to believe in his goodwill. What about Jaruzelski himself? What are his feelings? What are his thoughts occupied erstwhile he goes to sleep erstwhile the night takes distant his sleep erstwhile he remains alone with himself?

27.XII.81? Sunday/

The troops, like, less. The armored cars have disappeared from visible locations. Are the tanks hiding? abroad stations don't know much.

xxx

Polish tv expands the programme scope. tv shows are coming back, any fixed positions. present was another episode of Napoleon and Josephine. It's kind of tailored to the Polish situation. Napoleon takes over. That's rather a coincidence.

xxx

I learned that the Russians had left the barracks a fewer hours before the Polish troops, which means that almost mathematical coordination of the forces of the Warsaw strategy lasted. The Russians are standing in the woods.

xxx

Beyond the political side of man is the full ocean of life. Why do people attach specified importance to politics? The time has come for large political movements, world-wide.

29.XII.81 ? Tuesday/

After a short visit to the editorial office, where I was given a vacation card / second already, this time with a overdue holiday. So I'm free until January 9th. What's next? I have learned that there is to be a cleansing in the ranks of journalists, any verifications are to be carried out. They say all writer should answer 4 questions. 2 of them I remembered: Are you in favour of martial law? How do you justice the SDP authorities? 2 others have escaped my attention.

xxx

Rumors about many detainees in Wrocław confirm themselves. Mainly among radio and tv journalists. Piotrek Z., W. Wodecki, J. Szymkiewicz, Tumidajewicz, 2 girls, individual else and more.

xxx

It is said in supposing that fresh editorial teams are already established. another voices say it's just being done. Anyway, quite a few journalists are mentally damaged? There's a group of guys who have a large time and are cynically laughing.

xxx

From the first day of the war, Maria and I have been looking at the door with fear. any kind of tap, sounds, murmurs, and we're already listening. And in silence, we look over each other. It's been like this for the 3rd week. Night hours are the worst. Silence and a abrupt voice, or a whisper in the hallway, and we're already listening. It turns into an obsession.

31.XII.81 ? Thursday

It was the shortest year of my life. He escaped in no time. He yet collapsed with martial law.

I've done small creative things. From this point of view, it's a year lost. A fewer more lines.

1/ written movie script ?"Damn Earth"

2/ a fewer lines ? They inactive should be worked.

3/ A reasonably cleverly kept journal.

But there is no greater thought, no more powerful thought. Just small fish. A year nervous. Very anxious. I have devoted myself to thousands of social issues, speeches and actions, created socio-cultural movements and fought for a more sensible view of cultural issues. I have failed and succeeded. However, erstwhile I look at it from the position of the year, I see that nothing has been created uniquely durable and mine in a creative sense, but for the script.

1982

I wrote a poem to welcome fresh Year:

CISSA 13 DECEMBER

No message can be heard

Nobody says anything.

Only in a fewer windows burn

candles

And someone's eyes are dead.

through the window

Over Homeland floats

big ridge

The darkness.

05.I.82

A visit to the editorial office. I open the door, and it's full of strangers and people I don't know. No acquainted face. I took it as a bad sign. I felt very uncomfortable. There was a chill. unusual women screamed at each other, individual was calling someone, individual was arguing about something. Where Danusia was sitting, there was a immense and horrible woman. At Teresa's place, any guy pulled a cybu. (In place of our editorial, a gadzinówka was created? St.S.)

xxx

The communicative of a young boy from the village: An officer came to our school and started telling us how good it was that the martial law had been established, so the economy would kick in, and no harm would happen to people. The boy claims the youth threw themselves at an officer with an avalanche of questions he was incapable to answer, stuttered, was

Troubled, and the young were not embarrassed, wailing their tongues. The youths did not close themselves in fear, as many elders did.

xxx

A communicative by a young man who was detained on the MO about the inscription on the wall. individual drew a gallows, and it was in a tiny town, and they hung a cartoon of a Milichant. Naturally, the search for the guilty has begun. respective boys from close schools were interviewed. The 1 he was talking about saw his colleague being introduced into a peculiar room, where in 2 ranks there stood militiamen and passing kick into the kidneys, as well as beating on the face. erstwhile he went through this line? Spawner, fell on the door of the next room. They took him out.

The boy watching this scene broke down and ratted out the guy who painted the gallows. Now he walks depressed and doesn't know what to do with himself.

How many dramas grow in the souls of young boys?!

xxx

At the MO police station in the city, in the reception area of the curious dozens of sad and crying women, waiting for hours for passes to their friends, for news of their loved ones. The female who holds a large book, full of names, is cold and out. It's from another world.

xxx

I'm starting to read a fresh by Andrzej Szczypiorski. I don't truly know his work, but for a fewer fragments. Was he more of a shrewd politician? But there's any slippery falsity in that man who's pulling me distant from him, any distinct duality of the game. But I don't associate it with his writing. These are different things.

***

Every erstwhile in a while, there was a poem. Here's another one:

It catches me in silence.

Dog on the chain -

The eye's spicing.

I'm the 1 sneaking around.

in the corner

anxiety

- night fucks cheeks.

That's what you say in front of me:

of nonsubjective circumstances

All the curtains have fallen.

A blue body of fact

in agony.

11.I.82

The vacation's over. Greek in the morning, a small grammar. I finished my fresh by Szczypiorski. A very bad thing. False psychology, pushy rhetoric, insistent universalization, artificiality beats almost on all side, only a good start. Is the author inactive in naivety, in primitive psychology? I feel a false note in all this.

22.I.82

At 10 o'clock this historical spectacle began in the editorial office, verification of journalists. By the time I got here, everyone was here. The atmosphere is alternatively hanging. Baby was sitting beautiful confused. [?]I learned that 7 people applied for an early pension. I couldn't sit in this atmosphere of depression, so I took a walk. erstwhile I got back, they called me.

The guy from Warsaw was inactive there: Kawalec, Wystup and specified Kisiel from KW, an unpretentious man. KC guy:

Tell me about your activities in Solidarity.

I came out with a bad taste. The guy was primitive.

****

Modern comment: After this verification nobody told me what my professional position is. I didn't receive any formal document. It wasn't until 9 February 2010 that the IPN prosecutor in Wrocław informed me that I was not verified, that I was injured and that I have the right to accuse the system. It's good to know about it almost 30 years after the martial law. I lost my job. For almost a year and a half without a job. No 1 in Wrocław wanted to hire me. I only found a occupation in the Copper Basin, and for six years I drove buses to Lubin. small origin for martial law.

I present this text in a natural form, with language defects, as it was written.

Stanisław Srokowski