Registered Sex Offender Arrested For „Humping” Refrigerator At Trader Joes

This’ll make us think differently the next time we hear „clean-up on aisle five…”

Seattle police were faced with a truly bizarre case of aisle-side aggression when they arrested a 33-year-old man accused of wielding a knife, shouting racial slurs, and getting far too intimate with a refrigerator inside a Trader Joe’s, according to KOMO News.

“Here are the cold, hard facts,” the Seattle Police Department deadpanned in a press release—clearly unable to resist the pun. Nice to know they have a sense of humor about being the tip of the spear of the downfall of western society, right?

According to authorities, officers responded around 2:15 p.m. to the store on the 1700 block of 16th Ave. East after receiving reports of a man threatening to kill everyone inside, using racial slurs, and brandishing a knife at store security. But that was just the beginning.

Before things escalated, the suspect had reportedly been caught, in the words of a security guard, „humping” a refrigerator—yes, humping—and attempting to do the same to an unsuspecting customer. When confronted, he lashed out by kicking over a flower display and hurling apples like he was auditioning for a deeply unsettling produce-themed action movie.

KOMO writes that it took multiple officers to wrangle the chaos. The man was arrested on suspicion of felony harassment and booked into King County Jail. Adding to the rap sheet, police confirmed he’s a registered sex offender.

All in all, not your average grocery run.