Men besides request aid – Julia Dudek talks to Wojciech Sparrow

Julia Dudek: What resulted from your request to establish the Pillar Foundation?

Wojciech Wróbel: The Foundation was created from my individual experience and trauma from advanced school. In the first material about the foundation on our channel “I don’t know, but I will find out!” I share the communicative of my friend’s suicide in 2018.

At the same time, it was a request that we felt as the creators of the channel. From the beginning we discussed male themes that were niche and taboo at the time. After years of activity, we decided that we already have the tools and resources to do more than just movies.

June is simply a period of intellectual wellness of men, but it was frequently hard to announcement this in social campaigns, advertisements or loud messages – just the subject is not "sexy". That's why we took matters into our own hands, and on June 30 we published the first material in which we presented our plans. At the time, we did not know how the viewers would take it and how much space we would gotta full realise our assumptions.

You've decided to put on a fewer people. Who contributed and what experience to the project?

I think it's the same as what we bring to our squad all day. due to the fact that I don't know, but I'll find out! It's not just me. At first I actually started my adventure with moving a channel with 1 of my friends. In 2018.

Currently, there are me and 3 of my partners, Martin, Matthew and Simon, as well as our employees. The project, which is Pillar, is mostly locked up in our group of 4 partners. I'm certain I've been a large part of this mission. To me, it's a very individual initiative that came out of my pain. I'm very emotional about her. Marcin is the individual with whom we cooperate most closely on content issues and is besides the main screenwriter. Simon is simply a leader in all matters related to coordinating our actions. Makes us want to! It ensures that our projects are effectively implemented. There is besides Matthew who spins all the issues, the ones that are the most boring... de facto no 1 wants to do all day – he is liable for all formalities and contracts.

How long have you guys been reasoning about how to bite the subject? How to evidence June 30th? PWas it natural or challenging?

Yes and no. It came naturally to us, due to the fact that that's what we've been doing since the beginning of the channel. On the another hand, we knew that we had a large responsibility. You should've done it once, okay. As we know, the message is controversial – in addition to pointing to a certain origin of the problem, it asks for money. We're risking our necks and all the credibility we've built over the last 7 years. We have prepared a message and a full background – from Discord to working with psychologists – so that nothing fails at the start. We did it as well as we could in specified a short time. So the idea, vision, and content is 1 thing, but too that, we needed the full back room. Building Discord's infrastructure, planning what agreements with psychologists will look like, what will be the website, the knowing of all creators, etc., were issues that people do not see.

I'd like to mention to the first part on YouTube of Philly, due to the fact that you told the communicative there about how you lost a friend in more detail. What emotions accompany you now that the foundation has begun to work and to truly help?

I'll start by saying that we've been doing this mission more or little consciously since the channel started. Since 2018 we have published films that have dealt with this and I am very grateful for all the messages I have received over the years from our viewers. They said that we helped them, we showed them how they could take care of themselves, what the planet might look like, that social problems were not just about them, and that gave them a sense that they were not alone. This channel gave them specified comfort for years and gave them a sense of perpetuity in their hands. We were just giving tools and deed to our viewers, showing them what the problem looked like, where it came from. We analyzed him and told him how they could handle him. Hence, quite a few the news we received, where individual even thanked us for saving his life. The emotions that accompany me, due to the fact that you asked first, are very positive. I feel like we're doing something right, something good, and something that led us to make a channel. This has led us to a point where we can do it on a much larger scale – to aid men and to proceed to be consistent with our mission and the thought that has guided us from the very beginning.

Are you doing this so that others do not gotta experience the pain you have experienced?

Yes, and I'm very happy for you. Our goal is to make less people experience what I experienced erstwhile I was 18. This is something that many people experience due to the fact that precisely 4845, of which 4088 are men (84%) commit suicide annually. This shows that the problem is not niche – all year the full tiny town disappears for only 1 reason. due to this, quite a few people are struggling with this problem, since so much has been active in their lives (including men), how much more suicidical must they have. There's quite a few people here to save. Both those in crisis and their loved ones. due to the fact that erstwhile we aid 1 person, we defend those who might later endure loss. We'll monitor these statistics. I would very much like us, apart from these messages, to observe a year later or 5 years later any trend in falling statistic on male suicides.

That's what I want you! On Discord's channel, you besides mentioned your experience from the beginning of adulthood, and I wanted to ask you, how did that time affect the improvement of the thought of Pillar? WThese experiences you wrote about studies, but besides neglecting sports. You felt worse mentally, and then a pandemic came along, and that was the time of your transformation where you started getting back on your feet.

The point of the Pillar is to become a pillar for ourselves. So others can thin on him so they can trust on us, right? due to the fact that if we take care of ourselves first, we can take care of our immediate surroundings. It's the same as the plane wearing the oxygen mask. First myself, then others. In this group everyone can print their advancement all day. This is the work we have for each other. In 2018, I had a very hard time due to what happened in my life. A friend of mine left on January 15, or Blue Monday in 2018. Then in March, I said goodbye to my grandmother. Well, that's what I expected, but, you know, the layering of these events was beautiful high. My 18, 18 friends that didn't happen for apparent reasons. The following year, she was a postgraduate student, and I remember that in 2018, I started creating the N channel.I know, but I'll find out! On YouTube, along with my friend Matthew. I besides started commenting on the League of Legends. I spent quite a few time on this, as I did on YouTube, so the school was much farther than on the second set.

That's why I didn't compose my advanced school diploma very well. I got into journalism, which is actually consistent with my hobby, but I wasn't active in it. I was absorbed by another projects. In 2019, erstwhile college began, it was not easy. I didn't sleep much. I got up before sunrise (this was the winter period), returning after sunset. It was dark and cold and wet all the time. I was awake, commenting and creating a channel on YouTube. I recorded until night, and as I said, I got up this morning due to the fact that I was inactive going to Student Radio, frequently for any mornings before my studies. I took all these activities myself and caused my fatigue. The materials were talking about individual improvement at the time. It truly helped me to make them, due to the fact that in addition to educating our viewers, I could educate myself and aid myself. Then my way to Filar began to become one. That's why I wrote this kind of post on the Discord and started an initiative Road 66. Everything so that others can besides experience the same form of improvement and becoming a pillar, as well as specified responsibility. due to the fact that I felt that responsibility. I felt “watched” by my viewers on YouTube, on live broadcasts while commenting on the League of Legends. And that was very tangible, due to the fact that that's erstwhile they send live messages on chat. any of you most likely know what Twitch broadcasts look like, on YouTube, etc. That's why they see you on camera, they compose you live on chat, so you virtually feel watched like you're not there. And that was a immense asset. I am very grateful that in a way I am motivated to take care of myself and become a better person. That's what I wanted to do in the environment. Dear Pillarthat's why everyone has to send updates all day, how they do or do not do, and then they can number on a word of support, due to the fact that that's what the full initiative is for.

What do you think should be the fight against the silence, loneliness and suffering of men in Poland?

When we created our full initiative project, 1 of the most crucial things we talked about was not to lead to further polarisation. Very frequently male problems and social problems that affect men lead to various toxic or pathological behaviors. What I mean here is that it can manifest itself with utmost attitudes, specified as hatred of women or circumstantial environments, aggression towards others. Therefore, as an enemy in our initiative, we have indicated passiveness, silence, any systemic failure and approval to endure men's suffering. due to the fact that this silence was clearly heard. She came out in June.

And do you see a change in publicizing the subject of the men's intellectual crisis?

We see and this change happened before the Pillar initiative. due to the fact that 7 years ago it was a taboo subject on YouTube, but during our activities there was a change. Not just thanks to us. More people started talking about it. After the start of the Pillar initiative, however, everything changed in media discourse. This was an interest in mainstream media: radio, tv – that is why we are talking today. Pillar was needed, and I can see that. The immense success of Filaru is besides the financial one. any may say that on the scale of social assistance, social activity 50 or 60 1000 PLN per period it may not be so much. On the another hand, this is very much due to the prism of erstwhile we started, how rapidly we collected it and who we truly are. The channel on YouTube. This amount caused another media centers to think about it, look at it and think, "Hey, the material that released the YouTube channel has already seen over 600 000 people." This meant that talking about this subject and talking about men's problems was worth it. And that's not bad at all. It is good that another people, businesses in Poland, commercial initiatives or mainstream media see that it pays off. This means that we will talk louder, more broadly, that we will aid more people.

And how do you want to make this systemic transition to the problem you're fighting?

For us, a systemic change would be to introduce a real change in government structures, for example, so that what we are talking about is politically affected. due to the fact that presently in our bubble on the net this subject seems to be discussed like a torn record. Look, we've been talking about this for 7 years, nothing's changed. People who are in our net bubble know this problem and have heard about it for many years, most likely from many sources. But frequently in the generation of our parents, and in the generation of our grandparents, it is in general – depression or the problem of male loneliness, it does not be at all, does it? So we'd like to go to mainstream media. This goal has been achieved before we had hoped. The media came to us alone. Systemically, in our first material, I am besides talking about the fact that we would like to make a real change to what has already been tried in the Polish government, or parliamentary squad for men and men's problems. However, it is not effective, and we would like to change that, to be able to engage in it, and to have at our disposal the political and legal authorities in this area. Currently, this is simply a very distant mark and we have a number of others that we want to deal with first and which we are talking about today.

Let's decision on to the numbers then. How many free meetings with psychologists are held per month?

Since July, we have conducted over 700 hours of intellectual consultation. They are presently held almost 200 per month.

If you had 1 conviction to describe what the way of the pillar is for you, what would you say?

Simply put, the way to the pillar is simply a process of building yourself.

There are respective offline and online meetings behind you. What are your plans for the next fewer months? And what are you looking forward to most?

That's right, for the next fewer months we'd like to appear in the next large cities, due to the fact that these provincial cities are just starting. We were already in Katowice, Chorzów, Szczecin, Poznań and Krakow, where we organized our offline meetings and we would like to proceed this. I would like to meet in Warsaw due to the fact that there I spent the last 2 years of my life. There I lived, worked, so I would like to meet in Warsaw and do something for the members of the Pillar, as well as in another large cities and do it full regularly as much as the time allows. At these meetings, first of all, I can get closer to our community and we can get to know each another better, and second, all time there are unplanned but very valuable conversations and workshops. So it's absolutely crucial and this kind of event happens erstwhile we meet live. I, too, am powerfully active in physical activity, sports. This is something that has helped me in my life many times and what I have been practicing in my pillar way since this 2018-2019, which we have talked about. So in Szczecin, I took, for example, the boys on the initiative of Pillar, with whom we met, to run along with our Ambassador Robert Skwirczyński. And so, this kind of cross-country encounter, 1 Filaru moving club, I would like to organize as much as possible.

How are you going to remember the inauguration of the Pillar and what put you in it most?

We will definitely mention it with sentiment, the affirmative one, due to the fact that it was the beginning and more people came to it than we expected. About 100-150 chairs were prepared, and people were inactive standing around. It was a immense plus that so many people were curious and that the first gathering came at all shortly after our initiative started due to the fact that it was the second week of July. What's the thing that got me? They're human testimony. due to the fact that I proposed to put up a scene and do an open mic. People could've come, I've moderated it all. I was a moderator and made this space available to all those who wanted to say a fewer words from themselves. What Pillar means to them, what problems they face or measure. These people were a lot. We did it for 2 or 3 hours.

Can you tell us what happened during the Japfest and how they decided to support your initiative?

Japfest is simply a festival for nipponese automotive enthusiasts. The organizers spoke to us themselves. This was a very good surprise for us, with the information that they each organize a fundraising for a circumstantial charity that they choose. And this year they wanted to choose Pillar, due to the fact that 1 of the organizers, like me, has a individual past related to it. It turned out that Japfest held his most successful collection this year for Filar. The organiser presented the initiative on our behalf to his recipients, people who appeared at the festival and conducted all charity auctions and from his description, the accounts we could hear that all auctions went for evidence amounts. This money, which the organiser of the Japfest has raised for us, is to be spent on the implementation of a social run on the issues of loneliness, depression and men's suicides specifically in the area of motorization, automotive fans, drivers and specified a very masculine sphere in which all the more so is behind the curtain of any silence and stigmatization with weakness.

What should we do if we see a loved one, e.g. husband, brother, partner, son, father and so on, in a intellectual crisis?

Should we start with this – do we even see that she is in a intellectual crisis? It's hard to know who's in it and who's not. First of all, symptoms of intellectual illness should not be generalized. Everyone has different tools and resources he uses to deal with the intellectual crisis. Among men he may besides manifest himself differently than among women. frequently men who do not have the resources to deal with another ways will respond aggressively. So the intellectual crisis, depression, loneliness, etc. may be associated with withdrawal, social isolation, depression or sadness. That's not necessarily the case. A man can respond with aggression, violence, because, for example, these will be his tools, the only 1 he has to deal with the intellectual crisis. If we already know a person, we frequently know how he behaves erstwhile he is not in crisis. erstwhile they're in crisis, they'll most likely behave differently. I am not a psychologist, but it is worth observing the behaviour of our loved ones and trying to respond to it if they change and deviate from a certain standard to which we are accustomed. Examples can be very simple. If we always call our dad, for example, and he can always talk, always, and abruptly he rejects calls, picks up and says he can't talk, that he's busy, etc., then of course he can. If we announcement a certain repetition in these behaviors, it may mean that this individual is incapable to cope with something. Likewise, if individual has always been an introvert, if individual has always been withdrawn, socially isolated. If individual from specified a withdrawal is abruptly much more extroverted, if he is exhibiting extraverted behavior, possibly he starts going to parties more often, seeing friends more often, it may affect utilizing drugs in more amounts, or at a higher frequency than before, it doesn't necessarily mean that he is abruptly so happy. A change in behaviour can mean a crisis. It's not just a blank message to talk to. That's why on the bridges, there's cards and posters on the ships with you being valuable, you're good, right? We've been able to meet this a lot, and we've been thinking, okay, it's kind of weird, isn't it? due to the fact that it works. It is confirmed that this discourages us from taking on our lives. That's why there are specified messages in these places.

How can we keep a balance in conversation, but besides our behaviour towards the individual we care about, between this concern and respect for boundaries and privacy?

It is easy to cross the balance between a question all the time in style, whether you want to kill yourself or whether it is already after your intellectual crisis, etc., and between a concern that can actually help. We should tell the individual that we are support, that he can number on us to feel comfortable with us and that these problems do not make her different or worse. On the another hand, we should also, if there are so many serious crises that have led to suicide attempts or to another self-destructive behaviours, search to aid a specialist. If individual comes to us in a crisis and, for example, says they want to kill themselves, this is simply a very serious matter. We should play the game on time, keep him with us until the service arrives. Until I contacted this individual with intellectual assistance from the police. We should keep this individual as close as we can. If it happens physically, then literally. If this is happening online, for example, always exchange messages with this individual or stay on the line all the time.

Why do men hide their emotions and intellectual problems more often?

This is simply a multi-thread problem. We can first mention social issues, due to the fact that I don't know, but I'll find out. It's a social channel, so I'd love to start with that. Stigmatizing. It is beautiful to say that showing your weakness and actual feelings will not change the perception of this man by his surroundings. The thing is, it's not true. It'll be seen below. Especially by men will be seen as weaker. You could even say that we don't want to be socially excluded from certain atavisms and evolutionary psychology, right? We don't want to be lower in our hierarchy. So we're not talking about it. Just due to the fact that men are individual and are more socially withdrawn than women doesn't mean everyone is. We may not have as many close people as women around us as men. due to the fact that women statistically simply have more friends, more close friends they can contact and talk to than men. In terms of proportions, it will be more hard for men statistically to scope for this. besides due to that.

Do you think it's possible to educate the environment adequate not to stigmatize men who cry, have a worse day and halt being afraid to show their weakness?

It can be done and we do it in our Pillar community at Discord. The Pillar Initiative is all we've talked about so far, but Discord is the heart. There is simply a real community – real people. I got quite a few messages that said that Discord Filaru was the first community to be on the net and that people don't feel they gotta behave in a circumstantial way. They don't should be ridiculous, sad, aggressive or violent. They can just be themselves and tell you what they want to talk about. And they will be heard. That's the point of the Pillar. It is not to stigmatize, not to put barriers, including financial – hence free aid and intellectual consultation, it was not to become barriers to shame – hence an open community in which there is simply a deficiency of this stigmatisation. You can talk about it, you can decision a real problem that affects us all in a way that doesn't put individual lower in this hierarchy. This, on the another hand, requires appropriate conditions and that everyone should be aware of the problem.

What is RKO for intellectual health?

It is simply a set of tools for people in different places and performing different functions. Depending on whether we are, for example, a creator, a teacher or just a individual who happens to be in contact with individual who comes to us and either shares that he is in a crisis or wants to take a chance on his life. And present we have discussed this a small bit, but we are presently preparing specified a comprehensive RKO for intellectual health, including with Suicidologist Leszek Dowgiałło, which will be published through our initiative.

What do you think is the biggest barrier to the efficiency of NGOs like yours?

First of all, I can't talk for another organizations, so I'm just gonna talk about barriers to our organization. 1 barrier was that we ran out of power. We started with the Filar organization in the same group as we make the channel. I don't know, but I'll find out!. Thus we all worked for both the channel and the organization. We've all worked 2 jobs or more. We had to arm ourselves with more resources. We just had to hire people for our squad who are actually helping us. We couldn't do everything ourselves. Besides, the channel is inactive our host, and it's the channel that's making money for us, so we inactive want to make it.

What have you learned as founders? What would you change if you could go back in time and start wearing Pillar again?

I will draw here 2 areas which from my position could have been done better. First, the question of taking advantage of the moment. I mean, while announcing the Pillar, we didn't know precisely what the consequence would be. What will be the reception of the movie itself, our initiative, how many deposits will appear, etc. I will admit that we did not think it would be so good and that interest in our initiative would be so high. In the first week, we raised 50,000 zlotys. The movie looked as good as possible. This could have been better utilized if we had been prepared for this. That's due to the fact that we haven't done this kind of business before. We didn't have the funds. We wanted to gather them first and then start our initiative. The thing is, they came very quickly! Already in 24 hours we had PLN 30,000 and abruptly we had to act, overnight on a good cause. We were surely not as well prepared as we could have been for as broad and affirmative reception. Then you could work faster. I inactive think we did great. It took us 2 weeks to organize the first offline gathering and organize the first free meetings and intellectual consultations at our Discord. Secondly, we had no direct contact with man by creating social material about men and problems. The viewers left comments, watched our films, but did not interact with us. At the Discord in Filara, this situation has already changed. We had to prepare decently for regulations and moderation. Pillar is an initiative that brings together people with problems to a large extent. People who are delicate and who will effort to get on our heads, for example, to propose that they request aid here and now that they request intellectual consultation immediately or endanger us. I'm not taking work now. I know what problems they can face. However, it is simply something that we did not first announcement that this would be a possible problem. And now we know that with an initiative like Pillar, if we want to be effective, honest, and we want to aid people, we cannot let ourselves get on top. And in the first week or 2 it was.

And what is caused by the hatred that is directed towards you and the Pillar initiative?

There are a fewer reasons. Let me start by saying that there's not that much hate. Our initiative has met with a very affirmative reception. frequently more affirmative than our channel itself. And here I go to the first reason. I don't know, but I'll find out. has always addressed niche topics, taboo themes, controversial, social issues. The strength of things is that they polarize people, with whom many people will disagree, or with the way we have presented the subject. due to the fact that we're analyzing it, and very frequently people get emotional about it, and that's okay, too. any people just don't like the channel.

These people most frequently say that our initiative is large in assumption, but “The problem is that it does I don't know, but I'll find out!, so we will see how it will be and how we will account for them." We realize this, not only in front of people who, by default and nominally, have no sympathy for our channel, but we besides hazard this image neck and our credibility towards the viewers, due to the fact that they supported us first. The time of reckoning will come, and it has already been. We're 2 months distant from taking the initiative. We already concluded the first one. Things are working out so far, so it's truly good. On the another hand, Pillar meets with the hater most frequently coming out of utmost environments. Both left and right. We have received quite a few news on the 1 hand from people who suggested that addressing men's problems is harmful to women and women's communities due to the fact that they are distracting them from their problems and we should not do so. You should aid everyone, not just men. I received messages suggesting to me that I should not talk about men committing around 80% of suicides without saying that they were besides liable for 90% of killings. And that's kind of yelling and trying to prove who's worse. possibly men have problems, but they're truly bad. That's 1 side of the medal. The second was men, frequently men's environments that suggested that we actually hurt men, letting them talk about their problems. By allowing sensitivity and creating a place for this sensitivity, a place of intellectual help, due to the fact that truly psychologists and intellectual aid do not exist. This is simply a weakness and this weakness should be avoided. Besides, you can tell yourself what this kind of communicative might look like. So those were the 2 main sources, I get the impression, of those negative voices.

Wojciech Wróbel, besides known as Bezi, is co-author and host of the popular YouTube channel "I Don't Know, But I'll Find Out", which has already gathered hundreds of thousands of subscribers. He graduated from journalism and developed his phase experience as a live event host and presenter in Polish and English. For years, he has been active in activities related to self-presentation, public speaking and communication, which translated into the creation of an first course "I Know and Speak" to support young people in developing soft competences. He is simply a co-founder of the Pillar initiative, which was created to advance the intellectual wellness of men, to support them in the intellectual crisis and to break the taboo around this topic.